Do I really have to give up Bogart?
I have always wanted a traditional Jewish wedding. I am hoping that not only do I take Jason’s breath away, but that my father loses his too. It is important to me that we follow religious rituals and customs because I would only want to begin my life with Jason through symbols of our shared roots. But…must I give up my last name?! I am all about tradition, but this one is a lot to swallow!
I love the name Bogart. Growing up it was Bogart, as in “don’t Bogart that joint.” Now it’s, “This is Stacy Bogart…as in Humphrey.” Everyone understands immediately. In 96 days, it will be Bohrer. Not as in the animal and not as in boring. Bohrer as in TWO syllables with no obvious association to it (or spelling of it). For the last nine months I have joked that he will become a Bogart, that I will not give up my name. I pretend that it is offensive as a woman that my dad would give me to Jason like an object. (While I do understand that perspective, it is not mine.) As the wedding inches closer and closer, this joke is surfacing as a monumental gulp in my throat - it is not Bogart that I am sad to lose, however, but instead it is what the last name represents that has my mind running a marathon. It just seems impossible to move into this next chapter without recognizing what I am leaving behind. My childhood identity is made up of mere memories now. It is a strange feeling when you leave key parts and people of the past, well, in the past. It is as if I am beginning a part two of my life, not just another chapter. (I even get a new confusing last name.) While the first half was almost predictable, this half does not feel that way. I have been blessed with a typical sequence of events thus far and I hold my breath hoping that this next half gives me the same fortunate circumstances. Lots of love, few losses and tons of fun.
It has recently dawned on me that my new last name is not forcing this reality, but instead time is. With or without Jason, I realize, I am simply growing up and fast. Suddenly what feels like yesterday, was actually a decade ago; what felt like a decade ago was actually a lifetime ago. I am lucky to love my past enough to miss it.
Nearly everything is imperfectly perfect right now and I just wish I could stop the clock and keep it exactly as it…daily romance, two parents, high spirits and a rich life. But I cannot freeze time, so instead I will just appreciate it. Stacy Bogart did not always count her blessings. So…
Bohrer, it is…as in my best friend and husband, Jason.
I can just hear myself now…”B as in babies, O as in outstanding, H as in Happy, R as in Rich, E as in eternal, R as in ready for anything.” Everyone should be so lucky.
June 10th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
good post!