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According to Webster’s Dictionary, family is defined as parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not. In an ideal world, we all have family as defined above. And I do, on paper. This past Friday night, however, I began to redefine my own meaning of family - ensuring that I always feel that I have one (I am reflecting on my own generation, because the one before me is just that…older). And I now will.

When I moved to Chicago over three years ago, my friend Jamie invited me to temple for the high holidays. Without hesitation, I went along as a ninth wheel. (Yes, and that was before any “kids” got married.) I never felt like an extra, but instead just one in the mix. I sat quietly and witnessed this clan laugh with (and sometimes at) each other. The dynamic was unlike anything I had ever known. As i sat in their Northbrook synagogue I reflected on my friend’s family and quickly wanted to know more.

This large family is headed by two strong parents. Clearly this unified team worked together for years to build the family values that they all share today. The family is blessed by many things in life - the ability to travel the world and become educated without financial concern is just one of the many. When I say that they have it ALL- it is not the AMAZING clothing that Jamie’s mom wears that I am referencing (although, she really does have great taste). No, that’s not it at all. Not even close.

I’m talking about the Friday night Shabbats that they shared growing up. I’m sure that in high school the kids thoughts that they had “better things to do,” but they knew what had to come first (and then they could go to have their second). I’m referring to the way that eight different characters get along depite their differences. I’m talking about the way that charity has become a part of each of their lives, due to the direct example of their parents. Yes, they have, but they always give. My friend Jamie is the most generous person  that I know. In time and in spirit. She just is and always has been (except with her space our freshman year at college - she took up the whole triple, but I guess she did have more clothes than anyone).

Driving to Cleveland for the last time before our nuptuals, Jason and I both picked Jamie’s family as the one we want to work towards for our own. It was not an accident that Jason and I - two people who are so different but share all of the same values - selected this family. This weekend we discussed our own family (in the middle of the night, I may add) and we reconfirmed what we already knew - we will have our own soon enough. Sometimes it feels lonely in Chicago, as Jason’s family is small and mine is far or MIA.

In talking with Jason, I  realized that I do have a sibling close by - my sister, Jamie.  Jamie never judges, always puts her “family” first and never turns her back on doing the right thing - even when it’s the last thing she wants to do…that’s what family should be defined as. We share our lives together, our clothes, challenges and dreams…just as two sister would.  Jamie is a rock - once a roomate, then a friend and now my sister.

 I’m feeling quite disappointed by my family lately, but I won’t air my dirty laundry here. I’m hiding my true feelings from the myself just as much as I am from the public. Today I feel grateful for my new definition of family and realize how extended mine is.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 14th, 2009 at 10:20 pm and is filed under And even the kitchen sink. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.